Because I have a voice too

I have an awesome niece named Kjerstin. Seriously. This girl could speak in complete sentences when she was two. She's always had spunk. Finished high school early, went on to college, and then got accepted to her Master Program of choice in journalism. Amazing, right? She's always had a lot to say and she's not afraid to speak her mind. Though I love her to pieces, we do disagree on a few social issues. I remember I responded to one thing a long time back, and later wished I'd said it better or not at all. Since then, I mostly keep quiet. In fact, with FaceBook being everyone's soapbox lately, I've chosen to keep quiet about a lot of things. I don't know if that's good or bad, but its what I've had to do. Anyway, she posted something on her blog the other day that I just could not ignore. At the end of her post she asked for openness and intelligent conversation. In the best way I could, I tried to respond. Apparently my mom did too, because later we both got an email saying she was choosing not to post or respond to either of our comments and she was bothered we both referenced her personal background. I was hurt. I spent a lot of time really trying to consider her words and tried to respond to them respectfully and honestly. Don't I deserve to have my voice heard too? I'm tired of biting my tongue just because I believe differently than someone else.

Here's the link to her post: http://kjerstinwood.com/2014/04/01/something-that-needs-to-be-said/#respond  (Where you can also see some of her other works that I feel better demonstrate her skill with words)

And here is my response. Just so I don't feel so censored.

Kjerstin,
It’s late and I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because I kept thinking about your post, and I felt I needed to reply.

I want to start off by saying you are a smart girl and I can tell this/these are subjects that are very sensitive and personal to you. I want you to know that I re-read and really thought about what you’ve said. I’ve tried to read and really “listen” to your opinions. I hope you will do the same for me. Thank you for an opportunity to engage in intelligent conversation.

I want to only speak to your thoughts on the “pro-life” “pro-choice” subject. Here you have interwoven it with the subject of “marriage equality”. I see them as two very different subjects that should be treated as such. I do feel that often us “religious” folk are seen as hard-headed and lumped into a very conservative category who all think alike. I’d like you to reconsider that assumption. I for one admit that my opinions regarding same-sex marriage are greatly influenced by religious beliefs- but do try to remember that when it comes to political context. While I would say I’m conservative in my views on that subject, my views on the abortion issue are undecided and in the middle, can I tell you why? Maybe I have some thoughts you haven’t yet heard or thought of… if you have already heard these thoughts, at least know that by engaging me in this conversation you’ve forced me to take some time to really think about an issue, that for most of us is easier to just sidestep.

I don’t criticize those who choose to defend a life they believe has begun in the womb. They’ve helped give voice to the voiceless. Having been pregnant and carried life, I also believe that a spirit is attached to life long before birth. I also believe though, that man cannot thwart God’s plans. If He has spirits He wants to send to this earth, I’m pretty sure He will find a way to do it. So are they really taking away a life??? Tough question. But I also see flaw in your argument that we are taking away a woman’s “life” by not permitting abortion. As you have alluded, a person of 20-30 years has experienced/owned more “life” than a fetus. That’s because much of “life” is experience, and much experience an growth happens when we go through and survive difficult things.

I don’t believe that today, in the U.S., anyone can claim a true lack of financial means or education to birth a child. To raise a child, maybe. But to birth a child, no. I know here in Utah, a woman can go to a hospital, have a baby, place the baby with the state and leave. Free of charge. I know from living in south Texas, that man illegal citizens come to give birth to babies in U.S. hospitals because they will not be denied care. Remember what I said about life and learning coming through experience? Carrying and birthing a child under less-desirable circumstances is certainly a learning experience. A hard one. But it is one that I guarantee will teach and give life to the mother- not take it away. I think your mom would agree to that. Pregnancy and motherhood change life, but they don’t take it away. If a woman feels unprepared to support and raise a child, she can give that child up for adoption. I remember very well the tears of a family member who was on a waiting list to adopt when she found out your mom was no longer considering the option of adopting. I’m in NO WAY condemning your mom’s choice to keep you. As you said, everyone has different aspects of life that influence their choices. I just want to point out by legalizing abortion, many mothers continue to look past the CHOICE of adoption. So many young mothers think that their babies will go unwanted. That is NOT true. I have MANY friends on waiting lists to adopt right now! By “choosing” abortion, they are sidestepping any “life” or learning they will gain by accepting responsibility for getting pregnant. If you don’t want to have a baby, don’t get pregnant! (Rape I see as a difficult exception.)

I know. Right now you’re thinking, “didn’t she say she’s on the fence/middle of this argument?! Sounds like she’s pretty pro-life to me!”

Where I think your best argument lies is simply in the fear of someone feeling so afraid of the “life” that will change if they carry a child, that they choose a scary place and/or means to end it anyway. I don’t pretend to think I can convince everyone there is merit in accepting the responsibility of pregnancy- even when proclaiming the benefits of the adoption choice. I really don’t feel the government should have the right to penalize/imprison someone for choosing to abort their baby. I also don’t think the government should be in the business of financially supporting (through government insurance and buildings) the practice that simply eliminates responsibility for one’s choice. And the government WILL be in that business if it is legalized. That probably sounds very judgmental; that I would expect someone to take responsibility for their unwanted pregnancy. But it’s my guess that the reason they would consider an abortion is because they’re already fearful of judgment and the consequences their choice will bring! If we could just keep from judging others on their opinions and choices it would make everyone’s life easier. Doesn’t that last sentence agree with what you’re saying?

See, we do agree on something. :)

Love,

Your Aunt Jaime